Nothing To Win
by Complexly Simple Kiddo
Summary: 1x2 oneshoot. Why do you fight, Duo? And for whom?


**Genre:** Something angsty but romant...ic? umm... .

**Rating:** T to be sure

**Parings:** 1x2

**Warnings:** Angsty in the middle. Not the awful unresolved angst, just . ... just read :D

**Disclaimer:** Hahahaha….naaaah, don't own'em. Wait. Do you? O.o

**Author's note:** you know when you feel like something's going some way, and then it completely surprises you? Well... :sheepish grin:

**Feedback:** To review is so easy that it should be illegal ;P

**Nothing To Win**

**By Complexly Simple Kiddo**

"No, I'll do it," Said Duo suddenly, serious face replacing the smile that had been twisting his lips before. He stood up and grabbed the grenades that were lying on the table. He went through a door at the left of the room, and then appeared again, carrying an empty black backpack and placing the explosives in there. Quatre, sitting in one of the chairs of the table, was looking at the blueprint that was spread for everyone to see. He tapped his chin with a finger, seemingly unmindful of what was going on around, until he spoke, without looking up.

"No, Trowa will do it. Wufei and I will take the rear and create the first distraction. Heero will be up front, prepared to take the second distraction in the front gates."

"What about hacking?" Asked Trowa, standing behind Quatre, leaning on the wall with his arms crossed. His face revealed nothing.

"That would be Duo's job, from the safe house. Heero will complete the work from the inside. Any questions?" No one talked and Duo dropped the bag of explosives in the table, the blueprint got almost ripped with the impact, and they all looked up to see a very annoyed pilot.

"I said I would do it. Why send Trowa when I'm the big boom maker? Heero can do the hacking from here, Trowa can take the front and complete it after that from the inside. That's how it works, Quatre, and you know it!" he shouted at the end, throwing his arms in frustration.

"That's how it works, Duo, if it's all normal. It's not." Quatre looked up with the last sentence and fixed his gaze on two annoyed blue eyes. The blonde was apologetic, but decided nonetheless.

" Damnit, Q, I'm healed already! I'm healed since days!" Quatre shook his head and grabbed the bag from the table and threw it at Trowa, who caught it without even moving much. The blonde then put the paper straight again and pointed with a finger to a place.

"04 and 05 are entering from here, no hiding after the 10 miles ratio. No stealth, they're to create an important commotion."

"Isn't that too obvious?" Wufei asked, still reading the book he held in his hands, sitting in a couch that was some meters from the table.

"The records show that there's not that much intelligence forces in this base, so it's probable that they will fall. In case they don't, we still have 01 and the second distraction. It's not a problem if they realize this. If 03 gets inside, then it's all set."

"Don't talk as if I'm not here," Duo growled, slamming a fist in the table. Quatre looked up calmly, and sipped at his cup of tea.

"You're not here," he simply said, after placing the cup back in the table "Not as 02. The pilot should realize this is the best course of action. You're being irrational."

"Quatre, if I say I can do it is because I can" Duo said. Quatre was about to shake his head again but Heero, who was leaning in the door of the small house they were hiding in, got up from his place and walked towards the table.

"Let him do it. If he fails, he knows what follows." He said with his toneless voice, grabbed the blueprint and gave it to Duo. His stares got locked for a minute, cobalt blue crashing with Prussian. "Memorize it. We'll be waking up at five." And with that, he left the room to go at one of the two bedrooms.

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When he noticed the rubble he was kneeling on, the smell of ashes and smoke in the air, and the coldness in his skin, he knew he was dreaming.

The same old dream as always. He stood up, ashes flying in the wind that picked up, as if knowing he was starting to move. Not so far away, he could see the burnt hand of Sister Helen, holding out the rosary. He looked away, grimacing at the familiar yet still painful image. Starting to walk on an opposite direction, he headed for the empty dead streets of L2. The streets that he knew so well yet felt strange. They lead him nowhere. He kept walking, as he always did. What else was there to do in that damned colony? With the bodies of Sister Helen and Father Maxwell behind, it was the only choice to keep walking forward.

A sudden sound at his back made him turn, and he watched a door being closed behind him. Now the street was blocked, he was unable to turn back even if he wanted to. When he turned to look forward again, the streets were no longer there. Instead, he found himself trapped inside four walls. The only light entering the room came from a small window carved in the stone. Bars made it impossible to use it as an escape. Walking to the window, and standing below it, the streaks of moonlight painted his face. That's when the first shouts always reached him.

And Sister Helen cried.

And Father Maxwell prayed.

And he screamed punching and kicking the walls, willing them to crumble, while the only thing he actually achieved was blooding his hands. But when he looked at his hands, he always realized it was not his blood.

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He woke up, startled. Sitting in his bed, and quickly raising his bloodied hands to cover his head. When he realized he was awake, and that nothing would fall on him, he slowly and shakily put them down in his lap. Trying to slow down his breathing, he watched his clean, unscratched hands. He never knew why he always felt that way, as if something would fall on him every time he reached that part of the dream. The darkness of the room felt oppressing but at the same time comforting in a weird way. It was something he knew about, darkness, something familiar. He raised his head, and looked at the small window of the room. The moonlight, much like in his dream, entered trough the small space and painted a portion of the room in squares. Something was changing the shape of the shadows, though, and when his vision got used to the darkness, he recognized the silhouette of Heero, sitting in the bed across from him and watching him intently.

He was startled at the sight, but he didn't show it. Silence still floating on the room, he could hear his heart's beats and wondered if they were loud enough for Heero to hear. Maybe they were so loud that they had awakened him.

"This is the fifth time." Heero simply said, and his voice didn't sound harsh in the silence, even if it was loud enough to be.

"Are you keeping track? I don't know if to feel flattered" He smirked, but his breathing was still labored, and his fake smile wavered. This was what he hated the most about waking up to these dreams, this vulnerability and the pain in his chest.

"It hurts even more every time" The Japanese man said, his expression so darkened by the shadows that it was impossible to see.

"How would you know, you're not inside me to feel it"

"I know" Duo snorted, and then realized what a mistake it was. The air that seemed to barely stay in his lungs rushed out, and he gasped for more.

"I know you're feeling pain"

"I'm not feeling pain." He said, defensively. He felt his hair at his back and realized it was unbraided. How could that be?

"Why do you lie?"

"I don't lie" he spat, angry at being questioned. Still wondering why his hair was unbraided, he grabbed his wrist, which started to hurt. He found nothing there, and yet he could feel something pressing on it.

"You lie. You're lying when you say you don't lie."

"I don't lie!" he shouted, the pain in his wrist intensifying. He clutched at it strongly, as if that would take the pain away.

"You lie"

"Shut the fuck up, Solo!" Silence followed that outburst, leaving Duo panting forcefully to gain some air. He widened his eyes when he realized what he said, and reached behind him to feel his hair. It was braided as it always was, only maybe a bit disheveled from sleep.

"Heero..." he started, but he found himself unable to follow, the air in his lungs barely staying there to let him breath. Heero stood up, and calmly walked towards his bed.

The old bed creaked with the added weight of Heero, but neither seemed to mind. His blue eyes focused steadily on Duo's, and he watched him, a milliard of thoughts passing through the blue orbs, and yet none of them were readable. Duo glared.

"I'll not put in danger the mission. You know I'm fucked up, I've always been. Still I keep fighting. There's no reason to worry this time, as there wasn't any in the previous ones. I won't make mistakes." Heero just kept watching him silently, not answering to what he said for a long moment.

"I know you'll make no mistake. Even if it costs you your life." Heero's eyes stayed the same, and yet they felt softer when he said, "I'm afraid that will be your mistake"

"Riddles are not really your thing, Heero" He joked.

"They're already dead, Duo" he answered. And Duo felt like crying. And he felt like punching Heero, and he felt his chest constrict even more. He gasped for air again, glaring at his partner.

"What does it matter to you? Leave it alone, it's got nothing to do with you" He accused, his breathing getting dangerously close to being extinguished.

"What are you trying to prove to them? To us? We're already dead." Duo's eyes widened, and he pushed Heero away from him. It was not because he didn't want him close, it was to reassure himself that it was not a ghost, that he was actually there.

"You're not dead, damn you!"

"Neither are you, and you act like it." Heero got where he was before, and Duo lacked the strength to push him again. "You know you shouldn't do the mission this time, and yet you feel the need to prove yourself. For whom? for us? We don't care. For them? They're dead. For you...?" Heero let the sentence drift, and Duo's face contorted in a mix of anger, sadness, and impotence.

"Why do you care, anyway, I've got nothing to lose." Heero's eyes widened a minimal fraction and he rushed forward, crushing his lips against Duo's. His hands went to Duo's neck and he hold him there, turning his face to the side so he could kiss him more deeply. He prodded Duo to open his mouth and then grazed the roof of his mouth with his tongue. Before parting completely, he bit gently at Duo's lower lip.

Duo realized after his brain started to work again, that his chest was filled with air. And it was the kind of air that didn't escape so easily. He looked at Heero, trying to figure out the reason of his actions, and find himself looking at a sight that would take quite some time, if at all, to leave his brain.

Heero Yuy was smiling.

It was soft, and barely there, but it was Heero's. Before he could actually question him, the Japanese man offered his own answer.

"You have nothing to win, Duo. You already have everything you need"

Even if it was hard to believe, and would be for sometime, it was nice to try it anyway. Reaching out, he grabbed Heero's neck and brought his face forward for an encore.

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CSK:looks funny at the fic: okaaaay. Ummm, that took... a different path than the one I though.

Duo: What do you mean? You're the writer! You should control it!

CSK: umm, well... :looks around for possible escapes: at the end, it's all your fault and your damn angsted aura.

Heero: Blame shifting

Trowa:smirks: touché

CSK: oh fuck you, guys! Get back to the toy box, now!

Ummm, review:looks doubtfully at fic: that could help...


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